A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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