When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
