I CAN MOONWALK!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
