It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
