what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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