There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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