I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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