i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
