just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
