I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
