I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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