y did u give ur computer a hand job?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!