Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit