nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
