my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
