she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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