was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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