So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
