I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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