Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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