I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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