how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didn't notice because vodka
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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