Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
