Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
