Do you still have your period?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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