The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
