3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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