it was like eating out sand paper
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
