just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
