wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize