I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
