The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Someone shit on the floor
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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