OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
