I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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