I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm really busy with my period
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