escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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