The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
