The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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