the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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