loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize