No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
