Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
