apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
