i was born a porn star she said
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
