HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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