i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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