Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
