tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
