Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
