tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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