Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You did what with his pubic hair?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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