Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
