I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
