I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
