Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
