i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I DEMAND FORESKIN
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
