i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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