i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
