I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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