just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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