At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize