Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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