Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
