HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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