I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
