Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
