she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
