He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
