Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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