I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
