Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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