I bet he comes in French.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
