she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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