theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
