I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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